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Helping Your Kids Through a Separation or Divorce

When dealing with a highly stressful and emotional experience such as separation or divorce, it can be especially difficult if you have children. The children are dealing with an actual breakup of their family and deal with their own emotions of grief, confusion, sadness, and loss. The children can blame themselves for something that really was not their fault. It is important to reach out to the children and let them know that their well-being is a top priority. According to Kessler & Solomiany, LLC, in the process of focusing on their well-being, you can potentially provide the attention and support necessary to ease them through the divorce process and ease their pain as well.

At any age, divorce can be rather difficult. With smaller children, it can be rather challenging to talk to your kids about separation or divorce, while still trying to demonstrate that you still love and care for them. By listening to your kids and reassuring them that they will get through this stressful transitional period of their life, you can make a difference in how the children cope overall.

The children need to have stability and structure, now more than ever. If they can count on you to provide that structure through regular routines, whether it is school or fun activities, you are reminding them of that stability that they need right now. Further, staying on good terms with the ex will help a lot so that the children don’t have to hear any disagreements or arguments and get further stressed about the separation or divorce.

Your children want to know that they matter to both parents, especially during this difficult time. You can plan upcoming parties or celebrate special occasions for the kids, where both parents are in attendance. The kids want both parents to be involved in their lives, even if the spouses are not together anymore.

Parents can send notes or make phone calls to the kids, and they can ask the kids a lot of questions about school or their other activities, such as sports, music or arts.  The parents can try to communicate well with each other so that the children don’t feel like they are relaying messages back and forth to each parent. Parents can stop fighting or arguing around the children so that the kids don’t feel like they are to blame or that they did something wrong. Kids don’t want to have to take sides against one parent or the other.

The children must be able to count on both parents to teach them what is right and to help them whenever they have problems or just want to talk about anything. Remembering that stability and structure are very important, the parents can even ask for their kid’s help with home projects or household chores. Helping the kids to feel needed can go a long way in easing the burden of a separation or divorce. Giving your full attention to kids when they ask for it increases the stability of the family unit so that it can maintain itself, even if the spouses are separating or divorcing.

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